Your Mama’s on Craft Rock


April 13th, 2014 6:26 PM -05

I have DIY envy.

I’d love to be able to whip out my husband’s sewing machine and slap together something fabulous.  Yeah, my husband’s machine. He’s tall, frugal and industrious, so he decided to teach himself how to hem pants.  He’s a pro.  I have no clue how to turn the damn machine on.

I look longingly at Silhouette Cameo and Cricut machines even though I have no idea what the eff they really do.

I’m obsessed with paper punches.  It started when I  fashioned some ghetto cupcake toppers for Emme’s 2nd birthday using a flower punch, round labels and lollipop sticks:

After seeing how easy (and cheap) the Gymboree art projects were, I called shenanigans on their $80 monthly class fee.  I began stockpiling kiddo art essentials (poms, pipe cleaners, googly eyes, tempera paint, cheap paper plates, craft sticks, foam pieces, etc…)

Yeah…I didn’t consider how nice it was to having Gymboree clean up the mess or being able to say “Oh we only use paint at art class.”  Having craft supplies in the house means I have a toddler who will throw tantrums when I deny her “ALL THE GOOGLY EYES!”  She is not a fan of the term “some.”    She will awake from a nap screaming two words that make me shudder: “WANT GLUE!”   I may have been premature in my purchases…  But we’ll get to that point soon enough.  We’ll bond over cotton ball Santas and construction paper jack-o-lanterns.   Ya know, when she’s 18 and stoned on Vicodin following wisdom tooth extraction.

Still, I won’t let the lack of ability or kiddo willingness stop me.  If some Modge Podge hodgepodge grabs my eye online, I pin it.  I have a Pinterest board, Sew You Think You Can Craft, that’s 95% comprised of to projects beyond  my current capabilities.  A Sharpie-painted ceramic mug?  Easy breezy.  Crochet baby espadrilles? Ummm…etsy!

I hold hope that I’ll have the time to gain the Martha level know-how I seek.  It will happen one day, dammit.

Even if it’s during Arts & Crafts hour at my old folks home.

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