12 Step BFD RKTs


August 1st, 2010 9:20 PM -05

Here’s where I share my world famousaward-winning,  friend-approved Rice Krispie Treat (RKT) recipe.

You’re probably thinking “Uhh…it’s on the  cereal box.”   True, that is the official recipe.  But it’s crap.  Following those steps will get you little rice bricks rather than ooey, gooey gobs of Krispie crack.

And don’t turn to MStew.  Obstruction of justice is the least of her crimes.  She lemmingly links you to the box recipe.

My recipe comes from over 24 years of trial and error. Yes, I made my first batch at three.  Shut up. Before starting, there are just two things to remember.  First, ingredients are important.  Don’t sell your RKTs short with generic ricey poofs and jarred fluff.   I’ve tried them all; cutting corners will get you nowhere.  Second, patience is key.  In America, stirring the pot takes time.

So here’s the recipe in 12 Steps even Lindsay Lohan could complete:



INGREDIENTS:

  • 8-10 cups of Rice Krispies (depends on just how gooey you want them…I usually do 10)
  • 1-1/2 10 oz. bags of Jet-Puffed Large Marshmallows  (if vegetarian, use 3 pkgs of Sweet & Sara’s Vegan Vanilla Marshmallows)
  • 1 stick of Unsalted Butter

PREP WORK:

  • Pre-measure the Rice Krispies and set aside.  If you don’t, you’ll end up with crushed cereal all over your floor.
  • Butter a 9×13 Pyrex/glass baking dish and set aside.  You can use cooking spray, but butter is better.
  • Butter the bottom and sides of a large stock pot.

STEP BY STEP (gonna get to ya guuuuuurl):

  1. Slowly melt stick of butter over a medium-low heat.
  2. Pour in the marshmallows and coat with the melted butter.
  3. Stir.
  4. Have a drink while the marshmallows melt.  If marshmallows begin to caramelize, that’s okay.  Just make sure they don’t burn.
  5. Keep stirring.  If a 7 year old Chinese girl can spend 14 hours sewing Ed Hardy stripper thongs, you can stir candy for 10 minutes.
  6. Once the marshmallows melt, tip the pot toward you to create a well.  Quickly pour in 4-5 cups of cereal and return the pot to its resting position.
  7. Fold the cereal into the buttery, fluffy goodness.  This will count as your daily upper body workout.
  8. Stir in the remaining 4-5 cups of cereal, making sure that all Krispies are coated.
  9. Pour into baking dish.  Wet hands and pat surface to level RKTs.
  10. Let set at least an hour if cutting into squares.  These things have a buttload of sugar and butter, so they need time to harden.  But, don’t worry, they’ll still be gooey.
  11. Tell yourself you’ll eat just one…and eat one tray.   As the sugar high fades, spiral into shame.  It’s okay, you’re still a good person.  Admitting is half the battle.
  12. Remember that it only takes 15 minutes to make a new batch. Pull a Risky Business , say WTF and repeat Steps 1-10.

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