Archive for January, 2015


Friday, January 23rd, 2015

When Dan asked me if I wanted a Roku last year, I declined.  Why would I want that when I can just DVR shows I want to see?  And why do these whippersnappers use the Snapchitchat anyway?

Then, tragedy struck.  Our cable died over the New Year holiday.  Faced with a long weekend of forced boob tube weaning, I made a rare trip to Best Buy for my fix: an HDMI plus-in Roku.

It. is. awesome.

After Emme arrived, my desire to keep up with must-see-TV disappeared.  I spent three years clueless as my Facebook feed filled with gasps over this show and threatened spoilers for that show.   As each year passed, I figured my chances of catching up were nil.   When you have a tiny person in your life, the idea of spending a weekend in pajamas watching shows and surviving on takeout is a pipe dream, akin to fitting into college clothes and waking up to something other than the jarring sounds of a human alarm clock.

The Roku gave me hope.  I had incentive to rejoin couch potato civilization in a casual and gradual manner.

Yeah, screw that.  I soon realized that if kiddo went down at 7:00pm, I could watch 3-4 hour-long episodes per night and sneak in extras when cleaning.  It took me one week to watch four seasons of “Downton Abbey” and another week to watch three seasons of “Orange is the New Black.”   Translation: I can now politely and most prodigiously employ a wireless to shank a rat-mouthed bitch.

Tonight, I started “The Mindy Project.”  There are 57 24-minute episodes.  That should take me 2 weeks to get through.

Or less.

Serendipity Mac!

Thursday, January 22nd, 2015

Yesterday morning, I got a call from kiddo’s school saying they suspected she had pink eye.  Within 10 minutes, I had a doctor’s appointment booked and was in her classroom.

Realizing that her late afternoon appointment would make cooking dinner difficult, I opted to make it before leaving   The pre-planned menu meant I’d make Spinach Fettuccine with Meat Sauce, the spiffified traditional spaghetti dinner.  Yes, spiffified is too a word.  Work with me!

I sauteed diced onions and minced garlic before browning some spicy turkey sausage and tossing in various Italian spices….only to remember we had no fresh tomatoes and only one small can of diced tomatoes.  Oops.

No problem!  I decided to enhance the sauce with red wine and beef stock…only to realize that the meaty-soupy sauce was gross.  I have texture issues.  Oops.

Then, it hit me.  I knew exactly what to do:  meaty alfredo sauce.   I stirrred in heavy cream and reached for a bag of Italian mixed cheese (asagio, parmesan, mozzarella)…only to realize it had molded.  Three weeks before its expiration date.  Oocrap!

I knew the universe was telling me to order Chinese, but I’d come too far.  I’d invested 30 minutes into this sauce and if it were a movie, I’d hang on until the end.   And that’s when I made a pivotal decision…

Forget fettuccine.

Voila…err, velato!  Hamburger Helper-style Beefy Mac!

When I explained the process to Dan, he looked horrified.

But then he ate three bowls.

Move over, Giada!