Category: Sloth

(This Space Left Intentionally Blank)


Tuesday, April 27th, 2010

I had every intention of writing something.

But it’s Tuesday.

And that means “American Idol” and, more important, “GLEE.”

Tonight’s Idol inspiration guest?  Shania Twain.

Man, I feel like a margarita.

Blockhead


Tuesday, April 6th, 2010

My taxes have always been easy: a W-2, 1099-INT and 1040-EZ…bam! Free e-File goodness via Turbo Tax!

This year’s taxes aren’t so fun.   The interest income is gone, replaced with two Mortgage Interest Statements and a 1099 for the Realtor commission split.  So many forms…so much confusion.

Impatient to see where I stood, I used an H&R Block Refund calculator.  I’ll either get $1100 back or owe $65.  Super helpful.

I had considered going to a tax service like H&R Block, but who wants to pay them and the IRS!?!  I may just cave and purchase the Turbo Tax upgrade.

Perhaps I’ll piggyback on Dan’s return next year.  He’s the numbers guy, and what the hell are taxes but a bunch of numbers!?!

If only Uncle Sam allowed an essay option…

A-Tisket A-Task List


Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

I have a zillion small tasks I need to tackle but haven’t. Their incompleteness is one part laziness and two parts forgetfulness. So, in an effort to whittle down my to-do list and force action via accountability, I’m writing them here:

1. Write last three wedding thank you notes to Flynns, Petersons and Shepeards before an apology bouquet is required.

2. Spring the Margaritaville Happiness Machine/unbox appliance gifts concealed inside kitchen cabinets.

3. Return poorly purchased light bulbs and snag a hoe at Lowe’s.

4. Send proof comments to wedding album designer by Friday deadline (I’m shooting for a time before Thursday at 11:59pm).

5. Stalk www.usps.gov until my “New Moon” DVD arrives.

6. Call Target.com to get my $7.00 price match reduction on said “New Moon” DVD goodness. Earmark $7.00 for ticket to see “Eclipse.”

7. Refrain from singing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by Bonnie Tyler.

8. Taunt Dan over a soon-to-be-delivered secret purchase I made. Love, honor and cherish my spouse.

9. Book hair coloring appointment. My motivation? Being called “Stripe” today.

10. Send back tranny mess PajamaJeans™ to the hellmouth from whence they came. Mom wasn’t impressed with them.

Now the hard part: remembering to look at this list.

An XXerxise in Fugitivity


Friday, December 18th, 2009

My license plate registration and state inspection expired 17 days ago.

For 17 long days, I evaded the cops lining my daily commute.  I’d even entertained what I’d say if pulled over…

Perhaps I’d continue to cough uncontrollably in the officer’s direction so he/she wouldn’t want to be close enough to go through the ticketing motions….

Or maybe I’d point to the empty Crate & Barrel boxes and go into a long-winded  bridezilla-esque rant about how I’d worked so hard to plan the wedding and there was so much to do and now there’s even more but now I’m sick and I can’t be sick because we have the honeymoon and…

If neither scenario worked, I’d slap on a Santa hat and plead for a yuletide pardon.

Luckily,my strategeryerizing was for naught.   This morning, I fell back into rank as a law-abiding driver.  I dropped Felix at the dealership for his annual checkup and  jetted to the Pech Road clerk’s office (Note to Houstonians: go when it rains – no wait at all)    When I settled into work, the dealership called.   The required repairs would be double than the gaugeriffic price quoted for a 30,000 mile service with inspection.

According to the service rep, I was voted most dangerous car…  balding tires, bare bones break pads and various other automobile parts that would render my vehicle homicidal.   He asked me if my car had driven differently lately….  Well…uhh…yeah…but it didn’t seem that bad…

He knocked off some minor service fees to lessen the blow, but I’m left with that nagging feeling that  I got hosed.   I wonder if my chromosomes made walking targets of my wallet and me:  XX marks the spot…

Oh well, at least it’s done.  Felix has a fresh bounce in his step and I’m no longer evading the law with my mobile weapon of mass destruction.

But I still wish I’d won that damn Volvo.

Bah Humbug?


Sunday, December 13th, 2009

I heart Christmas. I’ve beat that dead horse made that abundantly clear here.

But this year? Eh. My Christmas glee has been replaced by ennui.

Don’t get me wrong – I love this season. It’s the most wonderful time of the year, ya know. I love the cold weather. I love the Christmas tree. I love driving around town seeing stores and homes with decked halls.

But I’m just not in the mood. My post-wedding plague and work commitments have sapped my Christmas cheer. By now, I should have bought all my gifts. I’ve bought one. Hell, I don’t even have a gift list, an affront to my Virgoism.

This afternoon, I mustered falalalala to attach my reindeer antlers and big red nose to my car (yes, I’m one of those people). I drive an SUV. I heart Christmas. Having a sleighed-out ride comes with the territory.

I’m going to start my Christmas gift list tonight. After all the wedding expenses incurred, it’s going to be on a piddly list. I forsee baked goods-o-rama. But that’s cool, because it gives me an excuse to channel my inner Martha.

And if I can’t do that – I’ll just slap new labels on our wedding exit gifts. Dan & Tara’s Deck the Hollapeno Jelly? 😉